Predictions for 2013

Happy New Year, everyone. I’m as unqualified to make predictions as the next guy, but I’ve decided to have a go anyway. Here are my predictions for the new year:

In 2013, An Editor Will Read My Novel

Yes, I’m still on submission. The pins and needles are beginning to dull after so much waiting. Good thing I have a bed to be depressed in.

In 2013, I Will Win the Nobel Prize in Physics

I figured out the formula for winning (see my previous post), and added rainbows and unicorns for good measure. How can I lose?

In 2013, A Heretofore Unknown Asteroid Will Pass Within Geosynchronous Orbit

Yeah, I’m going out on a limb on this one. Still, this happens more often than most people think. Sure, it’s not as likely as me winning a Nobel Prize, but it’s a bet I’m willing to take.

In 2013, Climate Change Deniers Will NOT Change Their Minds Even After Bursting Into Flames

Speaking of safe bets…

In 2013, I Will Win the Nobel Prize in Literature

I do have a book on submission, so it’s safe to say I’m in the running. Or at least that I will be in the running once an editor reads it. And wants it.

Of course, making predictions is easy. Making accurate predictions is another matter. To be fair, let’s see how I did with last year’s predictions:

In 2012, I Will Get A New Bed To Be Depressed In While I Wait For An Editor To Read My Novel

Nailed it. Well, technically speaking, the bed isn’t actually new. But I did change the sheets last year.

In 2012, A Single Asteroid Will Knock Out All Our Communications Satellites Like Dominoes

My television reception in September was a bit spotty, so I’m calling this prediction a winner. That’s the way science works, right?

In 2012, I Will Overdose On Nacho Cheese-Flavored Doritos

It didn’t happen, but not for lack of trying. Maybe I’ll have better luck this year.

In 2012, I Will Open A Coffee Shop

Nailed it. Hey, maybe I should blog about that? Do you think?

Predictions for 2012

Happy New Year, everyone.

Though I’m as unqualified as the next person to make predictions for the next year, I’m going to do it anyway. Here are my predictions for 2012:

In 2012, An Editor Will Read My Novel

I mean, come on, it’s out on submission. Surely someone’s going to read it before the end of the year, right?

In 2012, There Will Be A Lunar Eclipse

Yeah, and I even know the dates. Next topic.

In 2012, The World Will Not End

Hey, this is easy! I could make predictions like this all day long.

In 2012, I Will Stop Asking My Agent Inane Questions

Even though I ask stupid questions (Should I insure my touch-typee fingers? Who’s Neil Gaiman? What kind of tree would you be?), my agent dispels my clumsy ignorance with a graciousness and professionalism I feel I don’t I deserve. I owe her my eternal gratitude for putting up with me. So if my agent is reading this, I have just one thing to say: Did I spell ‘touch-typee’ correctly?

In 2012, I’m Going To Spill Something

It happens every year. I hope this year, it’s something like a bag of Doritos instead of a gallon of milk.

In 2012, I’m Going To Finish My Second Novel

It’s not a goal unless you write it down, right? Well, now it’s a goal. Let’s call it a target. Something to shoot for. Plan A, if you will. A dream. Something to think about.

Of course, making predictions is easy. Making accurate predictions is another matter. To be fair, let’s see how I did with last year’s predictions:

In 2011, The World Will Not End

Sure, there are still a few hours left in the year (local time), but I think I’m pretty safe in saying this one was spot-on.

In 2011, I’m Going To Spill Something

Nailed it. I went to Lowe’s in Rome to get a couple of five-gallon buckets of paint (What? It could happen.) and, well, there was this ladder… You know what? I don’t want to talk about it. In my defense, has anybody ever heard of the floor of the Sistine Chapel being so famous? Anybody?

In 2011, I Will Win The IEEE Exploding Galaxy Cluster Award For Best Premise For A Debut Science Fiction Novel

In retrospect, I suppose it was silly of me to think that an electrical engineering standards body would invent a new award for unpublished works of fiction. Also, it turns out that galaxy clusters don’t actually explode.

In 2011, An Agent Will Offer To Represent My Novel, And I Will Not Ask Her Inane Questions

I get partial credit, right?

In 2011, I Will Make A Blog Post That Contains The Word “Eldritch” 

Alas, I fell short on this one. Nothing I posted this past year ever required the distinctive–

Wait… What time is it?

Nailed it.